So one of the SMCM Rugby Old Boys — ‘Lazy Pete’ –left us this week.
It’s worth noting that ‘Lazy Pete’ was remembered on the SMCM Rugby page as the somehow more respectable ‘Dirty Pete.’ And in this day and age, it’s a more family-friendly moniker than ‘Smokin’ Pete.’ He’ll always be ‘Lazy Pete’ to me.
The news of his passing got the SMCM Rugby Old Boys into a whirlwind of social media activity. I think it’s because we all knew him in school as a rake, a really successful rake, at that, and by the end of the time allotted to Lazy Pete, he had a wife and kid. So everybody had a bunch of stories — precisely the kind of stories you’d expect to hear about a rake with an alias of ‘Dirty Pete’ — and no one to tell ’em to. I mean, you just can’t lay this stuff on a freshly minted widder woman. I mean, Rugby Doods want to be badasses and all that, but no one wants to be the guy at the services with a meaty paw wrapped around a bereaved survivor, doubled over in laughter, trying to get enough oxygen to choke out the punchline to some anecdote, which goes like this: “…And then this ****in’ tramp, right? This ****in’ beast. She wound up with **** ALL OVER HER!!! HAW HAW HAW!!!”
Lazy Pete was, indeed, lazy, as well as dirty and a habitual smoker. He had a busted-up Subaru sedan which was slam-full of drive-thru cups and empty cigarette packs,
just like the Alabama Batmobile.* I know this ’cause Lazy Pete was generous with his ride. He was Lazy Pete ’cause he’d drive his car all over the postage stamp-sized SMCM campus and park wherever he damn well pleased — usually in a fire lane, or truck delivery spot, Public Safety tickets be damned — and as much as he hated walking anywhere, he couldn’t stand to see another human being groaning under the stress of traversing a very small college campus.
*If you’re at all familiar with the Panama City Beach Bull, you know what I’m talking about.