Cake Boss

So tomorrow’s my daughter’s party for her fifth birthday.  She’s been amped up for a week; can’t sleep past midnight in anticipation of being the center of attention and getting presents.  She wanted a Barbie theme; Th’ Wife and I were unable to pull the trigger on that.  We didn’t introduce her to Barbie, either.  I think a neighbor kid did; next thing I know, the Sadie Monster’s got a sack full of second-hand Barbies and a wardrobe full of little tiny high-heeled shoes, ready to work a little tiny Haven Street.

Th’ Wife looked into ‘Barbie cakes,’ which I highly recommend you should Google sometime.  It — like every other toy-centered thing on the Internet — is a highly-developed subculture, and also of Super Mom Cake Art.  To her credit, Th’ Wife earnestly intended to make a proper Barbie cake at the outset.  It was only after viewing a vast array of Super Mom Cake Art: Subset Barbie that we gave ourselves a back door out of the whole ‘Barbie’ thing while still making a tenuous connection to stuff the Sadie Monster actually likes:

"I'd like to sing you a song -- a song of protest, if you will -- about something that really frosts my ass."

“I’d like to sing you a song — a song of protest, if you will — about something that really frosts my ass.”

Up until Th’ Wife and I put this mutant Cake/Golliwog together not four hours ago, I never had second thoughts about encouraging my daughter to do music-type stuff.  But now that I think about it, I think it’s actually worse than encouraging Barbie’s lifestyle of conspicuous consumption and rigid gender roles.  “That’s right, dumplin,'” I see myself explaining, “now that Barbie’s a musician, she doesn’t have a car or her own place to live anymore.  She’s what we grown-ups call a ‘mooch,’ or a ‘drain on society.’ She’s in her thirties and lives with her mom.”

"She'll be living with me 'til she's 50.  SWEET LORD TAKE ME NOW."

“She’ll be living with me ’til she’s 50. SWEET LORD TAKE ME NOW.”


About rockiebee

Husband. Dad. Carpenter. Troubadour. Creative Director for an action figure theater troupe. Video director. Critic. Comics fan.
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